Soar.

When I went to this conference a few weeks back in DC ( don’t know who said it ) but “even a butterfly has to wait and dry its wings..”

As I sit here a year older, as of 4 days ago.. I find myself alone in limbo. Almost standing still.

Looking behind me revisiting what I’ve been through. Seeing things that I’m very glad are over, visions that I can laugh at, memories that make me tear up from sadness and joy. I see quick flashes of faces and hear voices. Above all I can remember how I felt. I have to look ahead because the past has actually stopped. There is nothing new happening, no changes to see. Only the same ole replaying.

Slowly facing forward, turning into darkness. Cautious and eager.

See this butterfly was once a caterpillar. Crawling and feeding on the leaves of trees. I don’t know if caterpillars know they will morph into butterflies but the way I see it is.. whatever was inside that cocoon is sticky and needs to dry. It weighs the wings down. The butterfly’s innate reaction is to spread its wings and fly, but the extra weight makes it near impossible. So it waits.

What I see ahead, beyond the darkness is hope. That there is more to accomplish, more to see. That the journey isn’t done. I’ve been upgraded from tiny feet to wings! I can cover so much ground, flying! But I’m here.. Anxiously waiting for my wings to dry. I want to soar.

-Candace

 

Lifting my head..to say I’m sorry. 

I feel pretty disconnected. Like someone cut the telephone wire or the bill wasn’t paid. I’m steady talking into the muted phone as if what I’m doing is really making any sense. 

I did something I shouldn’t have done and feel so ashamed. I shy away because I don’t  want to face up to the wrath of disobedience. My head hangs low, my eyes closed tight. 

I thought I was making progress only to fall three steps back. Now I’m scared to leave myself vulnerable for that kind of disappointment. 

The punishment is shame. 

Today at service Pastor said: 

Don’t think because you have sinned your relationship can’t be saved. Regardless of what you’ve done , in spite of yourself.. God Loves you. Confess your sins, say you’re sorry — you will be forgiven. 

 A prayer from the heart that is honest and most vulnerable. There is no judgement but a hope of dialogue. 

It’s time to confess and welcome the warmth of forgiveness. To mend what has been broken. To step into the light away from the shadow. To receive a hug only The Father can give. For my tears to be wiped away leaving only streaks of faith. 

Confessing takes bravery. Forgiveness renews strength.