“There’s no Mac-n-cheese in Heaven” my cousin says. My reply, “LMAO! I don’t know what your heaven looks like but mine definitely has mac-n-cheese!”
I don’t really have to add that mac n cheese is the truth, but in case you didn’t know.. well now you do!
Saturday night I walk in the diningroom at my grandmothers house and am greeted by my family. We were having a Thanksgiving dinner re-do. Thanksgiving is the best holiday. All the best dishes are prepared. Mac n cheese, sweet potatoes, turkey, ham, collard greens, cranberry sauce, etc
The first comment: “you’re not going to eat?” I literally had just walked in the room. But ensured Lisa , that I was going to eat. I sat down and began to make myself a plate. I took a few spoonfuls of each dish. I was sitting next to Ashely and sitting across from us, my aunt said : Ashely what are you eating? She had a roll in her hand. I had just taken one. My aunt said: “you need to put that roll down and so does candy and she needs to remove that macaroni off her plate too, we saw your Facebook post! ”
My immediate response was “I’m grown, don’t check me! ” my next comment was an attempt to fight back from that blow. I attempted to explain my post. I had gotten a few different reactions from people liking my status, to people commenting on separate posts– speaking to what I had just put out there, to people texting me directly to express their relateabilty.
The situation is bitter sweet. Ok so the post… ( some context first , I’ve been battling with my weight re-gain for a some time now, a little over a year and this particular day I made an appointment with Dr. Silva to be weighed. I knew what the scale would read. I was far from delusional. My clothes don’t fit, my face is chunckier, pictures have exposed the unwanted trend. The surgeons scale has always been the official weigh in for me. I was ready to face the music. A couple weeks ago my eleven year old cousin was very frank about the weight gain. She said I looked a little fat in a picture she saw of me. That was enough right there! I wanted to bury my head in the ground. Yet, I thanked her for the rude, yet compassionate kick in the gut. Ok so moving on.. after I left the surgeons office, a wave of truth and disappointment came over me. I had another doctor’s appointment directly following so processing my weigh-in came later.
I didn’t even realize my reaction, but when I left Ny & Co with two pairs of jeans for $80.00, I should have know something was up. Later that night, I posted this on Facebook:
3.5 years ago I was the most fit and healthy I have ever been. Today… I got weighed by my surgeon and found out I gained 24 lbs since my last weigh-in 17 months ago… Funny thing is ( ok not “funny”) that this is my reality. That the disease, obesity is alive and well. That I will have to live with all its symptoms, side effects, gifts (the awareness) and BS forever. As much as it hurts to feel defeated, it hurts so much more to just give up and let the pain accumulate. Truthfully, I don’t know what any of this means for me and my future. What I do know is, life has to continue. There will be good days and some really bad ones. The struggle is so real and because I know I’m not alone– I want make sure others know they aren’t alone either. #whatTodaywaslike#notThegreatest #Usedtobe347pounds#cheers #thankful #staytrue#fightwithmoxey
Oh ok and then right after that, I posted: Oh and .. I put my personal business out there .. Not for pity or judgment but for awareness and education. #thisismyreallife
I’m not really sure what it bought up for other people but for me, bringing awareness to the issues I am and have been facing. Those on Facebook have seriously cheered me on since I started this weight loss journey. In Social Work school we learned about “vicarious trauma” or “secondary trauma”or even sometimes called “compassion fatigue.” This is basically when an individual hears about the firsthand trauma experience of someone else. Think about when you watch a video on Facebook or YouTube of a police shooting. Even though it didn’t happen to you, witnessing it “indirectly” actually has an effect on you. With that being said, the various reactions confirmed this for me.
Anyway, I thought this was interesting to share in the grand scheme of things. It’s part of the journey. It’s even more apparent how this journey isn’t mine alone. My life’s purpose is to enlighten others about Obesity as a disease and to encourage the personal fight within. Inspire those to trust their God-given and renewable strength to keep going.
Just so you know, I definitely did NOT remove the mac-n-cheese from my plate. I ate it, along with everything else I had going on and even took home a plate. Don’t judge me! lol well you can if you want.
Oh and I know there will be mac-n-cheese in heaven! Anything else would be uncivilized!!
Ok so .. Monday, I went to the gym for the first time in .. mmm.. maybe 2 months.
Yeah it was in August when I last worked out; I took an aquafit class while in D.C. It was like yoga, but in a pool! Yasss!! (#OAC2016 taught me some new tricks 🙂
In my opionion, I still look fly (takes kissy selfie lol) ..umm but I’m up 17lbs since this time last year tho. DAMN! (My ass got fat, literally! )
Yes, a lot has changed in the past year. I don’t want to go into too many details but, the point is ..
me + fitting my clothes from last year= fail.
FML. I need to get it together!
When you aren’t having any luck controlling what you think is controllable..and are focused on all that you CAN’T do..
The one thing you CAN do..
You can do it for free
You can do it alone
You can do it at any time of the day You can do it where ever you are
You can do it for any reason or no reason at all..
Talk to your God, tell him why your happy. Tell him why your sad.
He CAN control it. He WILL control it. He DOES control it.
None of this was designed by accident or to be done alone.
He’s the kind of guy that had a rough start.
He’s the kind of guy that didn’t play nice.
He’s the kid of guy that hurt, because he was hurting.
He’s the kind of guy that good girls liked.
He’s the kind of guy that was dealing with his own stigmas.
He’s the kind of guy that would have never looked in my direction.
He’s the kind of guy that would have made fun of me in high school.
He’s the kind of guy that would lower an already low self-esteem.
He’s the kind of guy that accepted society by rejecting society.
He’s the kind of guy that now wants to be my friend.
He’s the kind of that now wants my attention.
He’s the kind of guy that now takes me to lunch.
He’s the kind of guy that now bares his soul.
He’s the kind of that wants to know how I tick.
He’s the kind of guy that now wants to taste my lips.
He’s the kind of guy that now wants to make me tock.
He’s the kind of guy that wants the kinda girl like me to be his wife.
I can’t help to side-eye that kind of guy. I can’t help to be impressed by the whole thing.
Day 5 assignment. Solitude.
Although I am not alone in the physical sense, the gym is where I am detached from the world. This where it is me against me.
HEYYYYY Everyone! OMG This is sooo huge for me (and you!) I’m ready to take my passion for the fight against Obesity on the road and I hope you’ll fight with me 🙂
Please check out my campaign (here–>) FightWithMoxey and share, share and SHARE! Thank you for always supporting me! #FightWithMoxey
Xoxo – Miss Moxey